Kids and Tech: A Plea for Diligence

I am not a parent. I do not claim to be one but I do hope you can still give me the grace to share my opinion and experiences.

I have been working with children and youth for over thirty years. I know that is not the same as raising and worry about your own child day after day, night after night. I do believe that parenting is extremely challenging. Thank you. Thank you for bringing these wonderful bundles of joy and heartache into the world.

I have never met a parent that does not love their child. I for one do not believe it’s possible. There can be fear and huge disappointment but the inherent bond between a parent and child is unique and special. I make that statement because I have to. I have to believe that there is hope and that every parent does want the best for their child.

Where it gets tricky is determining what that very best is and how to go about it. I do not believe it is my place to judge anyone but I do feel it is my responsibility, because of my job, to warn and encourage.

The world our children and youth are growing up in is not safe.

I hate to type those words but it is true. So many amazing technical advancements are helpful. However, they can and are dangerous when used too much or inappropriately. Here are two examples:

Pain medications: No one wants to be in pain. How wonderful it is that there are medicines that can help the body heal. Something that started out good intentions turns into someone else’s tool for never ending money and power – no matter who suffers.

Smart Phones/Computers: Yep, I can remember when the internet and smart phones came into existence. What an amazing technological advancement. How I longed for the ability to instantly connect with my family when I was away at college, instead of the $350 monthly phone bill that made me choose between food and talking with my family.

Now, I can watch sports live while camping, face-time with my 27 great nieces and nephews. I can learn Spanish and check the weather in Iceland where my friend is visiting. What an amazing world to live in.

However, with all of these amazing benefits comes the risk. That same phone allows me to watch porn, fat shame another person, spread rumors, sell/purchase drugs, gamble away my savings … do I need to go on?

Tweens and teens have at their hands a massively powerful computer and network. Because they often are exposed to these devices at a young age, the windows of opportunity of learning are wide open. I know this is true. I only have to look at the 4 year old who is bi-lingual while I struggle to make my r’s roll.

A child or teen’s brain is wide open to learning new skills. The wiring in the brain is waiting to make new connections while an adult’s brain becomes more hardwired. How will your child’s brain be wired? You can be the well-seasoned “electrician” that helps create meaningful connections that build courage, resiliency and thoughtful decision making as opposed to fear, shame and harmful coping strategies.

Would you let your young child drive a car? Would you let them have access to your credit card? Those may seem like silly questions and I assume the answer is a resounding “no way”. However, when we allow a young child to utilize a screen unsupervised and at early ages, we are unintentionally setting them up for harm.

A screen/cell phone will NEVER be as good as spending time with you. Even if you are not a parent.

Spend time with your nieces and nephews. Let them know how much you care about them. Let them know that you are there to help them make good decisions. You know the world is a challenging place.

Make sure you are a safe landing space. At this time in their life you goal is not to be their best friend but to be their best teacher, and guidance counselor. Hold them accountable to your family values. Give them boundaries and stay strong to the consequences. Expect them to challenge and test those boundaries. That is part of growing up. They will thank you but you will have to wait until they are much older as you both celebrate their successes.

You can have rules and still love them unconditionally. Does it take more effort? Definitely. Will it be worth it? Undoubtedly! Your child is not predestined to drink before the age of 21. It is not a human rite to have a smart phone by age 13. Don’t be fooled by the “everyone else is” language. “Everyone else” is not your responsibility.

YouthThink is here to help, not to judge. In the coming months we will be offering virtual and in-person, events to help you stay up to date of the dangers that now seem to lurk around every corner.

Please educate yourself on the apps your child/youth are using. Know what games they are playing.

Know whom they are hanging out with in person or virtually. Ask great questions instead of giving great lectures.

I plead for your attentiveness. We are losing too many children every day. We lose them before we even realize it. We must invest our time and resources to early promotion in order to prevent the harms that have become a part of our landscape. We do not have to wait for the crisis. Our time is now and there is hope.

Please don’t ever hesitate to reach out with your ideas and suggestions. We are in this together!

This is a Debby's Dear Diary entry from April 2023 written by Debby Jones.